If we had time or power or the choice between what’s more needed in this hour.
If it was up to me neither really sounds fair what’s the guarantee of either without the other
Honestly the revelation really bothers me the push for change disrupts the harmony
The want for blame helps no one as far as I can see… but I can’t move on so easily
I can’t unattach myself from this baggage that’s been latched on to me
You can’t understand the strain of this tragedy how feeling safe was never a necessity
Time and power were never part of my reality
Until I stole them both from visions of another’s dream
I bought into a life I believed I could obtain under lock and key
My own safety scheme found life beneath
But as far as I can see all my hope has been for nothing
Because my fate was sealed in my history
My worth was dictated by the seeds of my family tree… or lack of one
At least in my eyes, in the eyes of the law and the numbers
How I was suppose to be incarcerated any time after 11
And graduation high school was suppose to be impossible
And college wasn’t even considered a variable.
As far as I can see how can I be motivated by a lack of purpose
How can you be surprised when I act worthless, like I don’t deserve it
A place of my own, a chance of my own, a family of my own, a little gratitude shown
It’s just wishes though as far as I can see…
But as far as I can see I can’t see much I realize there is more to life than I’d like to admit
But it’s exhausting always trying to escape this grip
The grip of poverty and low expectations
It’s a never ending fight I’d like to quit
It’d be easier to buy into the statistics
And let go of it all and consider ballistics
But to think I may have had a chance but just missed it
Terrified I might not be the victim
Terrified I might be my own worst enemy
Terrified to live free as I was meant to be
I’m terrified of what success might do to me
Terrified of ever feeling different
Terrified that this pain might not remain so intimate
Terrified of ever losing touch with my friends
That have been with me since the beginning
How all that can change in a minute if fame ever became benevolent
As far as I can see
Fame might only be sustained by a lack of humanity
Fueled only by greed and vanity
A few moments over exposed losing touch with sanity
Sacrificing what’s genuine
Selling out on what’s important to me
Selling out on my first love, first dream
Could fall in and out and in between
Losing my sacred gift to humanity, pushing aside my family
For a few dollars, for a small bit of attention
For a few more hits on the internet
The clickbait a kill switch to the message intended to be
As far as I can see
People might only love my bleeding heart
Amazed I survived this far
Happy they haven’t been through who I’ve been through happy thy don’t have my scars
But for those that do I don’t think I’m an inspiration they can look up to
I haven’t overcome my emotions are often overdrawn
It’s all just misunderstood sad songs
As far as they can see
As an artist my biggest fear is no one will care
Care enough to hear my story and pay attention to my songs
All this suffering come and gone without encouraging anyone
But if I do make it
Call it talent or resilience
Call it luck or brilliance
But I’m just an orphan with a vision
Scarred by abandonment
Starved of dependence
But survived by a message
That there is always hope in existence
And with the passing of time pain become distant
And with a small bit of power I can make a difference.
pioneerthecity.com 